Thursday, September 27, 2012

overwhelmingly introspective.

so it's been a while. i want to say i'm not sure why that is, but i'm thinking life has something to do with it. honestly, so much has been going on, so many good memory worthy things that i regretfully keep forgetting to document them all.

in line with that, pretty sure the last time i wrote in here i was in austria. this is no longer the case. i'm happy to report that i made it home safe and sound and as jet lagged as ever. the transition from away to was unexpectedly smooth. i am continuously baffled at my ability to so immediately adapt to wherever i am.  baffled and grateful.

i'm feeling overwhelmingly introspective today. i can't tell if this feeling is rooted in regret or joy. or maybe it's a combination of the two.
see, i can't find a job. and austria didn't exactly leave me with an abundance of funds, surprisingly enough. so spending money even on food is extremely stressful.
on the other hand, life is so good, you guys. yesterday i was able to enjoy a visit from one of my good friends i made in austria. it's still so surreal to me that i spent 5 months of my life over there, expanding not only my view of the world but myself as an individual. i found myself getting sucked into looking at an album on facebook of a friend's pictures from abroad. i ache to go back. there's a fullness that accompanies an experience as big as that. that was one of the consequences of traveling that i was not expecting.

i've been lucky though. i don't pine for travel. i am content with where i am and who i'm with. but every few weeks or so, an introspective respite catches me off guard and i'm overtaken by gratitude and longing.
and that's where i am today.

maybe that's why i can't pinpoint what this feeling is inside me, because it's not one but two.

once again, i didn't really start writing this with a cohesive thought in mind. i just knew there were thoughts inside me that needed to be outside of me. i feel as though i've only been able to convey 10% of what i'm feeling, but i suppose that will have to do for now.

i put this song on to quell my heart while attempting to write everything i needed to, and after listening through it once i realized just how perfect it is for this moment.

"Setting fire to our insides for fun
To distract our hearts from ever missing them"