Thursday, July 2, 2009

therapy for the soul, torture for the mind.

i tried to ignore the fact that i had a blog for the past few months. secretly though, it's been nawing at me for neglecting it. and for that i apologise dear rants and rants and rants for candy.
today has been a very clear self pity day, which is sad because that seems to be the only times i feel like "blogging". i'm pretty sure this building of self loathing started today around 4:35 when i entered staduim 8 with full intentions to watch and enjoy my sister's keeper. there is no way i could have prepared myself for the predictable 20 minute tear jerkers, nay the tear demanders that film produced. being the stone heart i am, i earnestly tried to ignore all of the demanders but it was really really really hard and strenuous. i found myself basically exhausted at 6:30 when the film was over.
that need for a good hard cry has not let up in the six hours after that show. it's now about 12:30 and despite my truest efforts, i am still fighting against the grain to keep my face dry.

for the first time in my life i am praying for bad dreams to drain this need from me.