Things I am Unhappy About Being Bombarded By (Social Media Edition)

Over the past year or so I've become completely disenchanted with Facebook. Like, completely. I remember right after high school I could spend an embarrassing amount of hours on good old FB. It was basically an entirely different site back then. People used to post quality things like actual pictures of them having actual fun (this was before the popularization and normalization of the "selfie"), witty and original status updates, and exciting life accomplishments. Now, it's basically the opposite.

I've actually done something like this once before as a note on my Facebook page. But I feel like my complaints are all shiny and brand new so I, instead of cleaning my apartment tonight, I'm going to word vomit all my disgruntled feelings as a former satisfied Facebook user. Lets begin.

Things I am unhappy about being bombarded by:
Ill researched yet extremely strong biased opinions. This unfortunately includes but is not limited to; religious articles and quotes, news articles about the degenerate state of the world these days, and other malicious "us vs them" arguments. No one has ever changed a heart or a mind via internet argument. I do not think that is going to change today. All your doing is wasting time, energy, and creating enemies.

Shoddy quizzes from Buzzfeed (or anywhere really). Bad news, I don't really care about what type of dessert my "friend" would be at a vegan restaurant, or what song you would have been in the 90's. Actually no one cares. Only you. I feel like, as always, there are exceptions to this rule, like posting a result to a specific person's page because it has relevance in your friendship. Blah, blah that's fine.

Blatant plagiarization of another person's wit. This may not seem like a big deal to some, but if you're consistently posting funny content you find on the web as your own, without giving credit where credit is due, that is technically plagiarizing. And that makes me think less of you. Being a curator of humorous and joyful things is actually kind of hard. Many companies pay a lot of money to individuals who are able to collect things that the masses find funny. If you have that skill, own it. Just make sure you cite it.

Private matters (especially those surrounding children). Now, I'm a notoriously nosey person, ask anyone who has to deal with me on a personal level. But please, for everyone's sake, please stop posting about breast pumps, poopy diapers, and all other variations of real life bummers that include bodily fluids slash anything else you wouldn't feel comfortable explaining to the stranger next to you on the street. Just because you can't see the disgusted looks your post is receiving does not mean they're not there. To be clear, I am not a baby hater. In fact my field research on this topic shows that if you enjoy cute posts about non-poopy babies, you should give Instagram a try. Even if life isn't all glamorous and smiley babies, Instagram will make you think it is. And as your social media friend who doesn't have children, I can find peace in that.

Gratuitous amounts of unsolicited posts, events, and pages about this month's flavor of a thinly veiled pyramid scheme. I'm so happy that you've made money/lost weight/found your life's purpose, and I expect to hear a thing or two about it just by being in proximity to you. But I am a different person for whom that particular program wouldn't produce the same result, so please stop sending me personalized messages about it.

Inspirational quotes (usually from pinterest). This one is definitely more of a gray area for me for I do appreciate the written word, when written pithy and well, as much as the next person. And we all know I have a soft spot for good typography. However, that cliche, kitch post you pulled directly off of Pinterest's popular page doesn't need to be on facebook. We've already lamented the fact that we had to read it fifteen times on that site as each friend repinned it. It does not need to be shown to me again. Real talk: If you are feeling the compulsion to rapid fire self-help quotes to Facebook I think it's time to shut the laptop and get some certified help. There's no shame in that. I think your Facebook friends would much rather cheer for you and read your own heartfelt words than another "single girl power" or Marilyn Monroe quote.

Sponsored posts. Oh my gosh, the sponsored posts. This is what has made Facebook nearly unbearable. However, this is a problem that can only be fixed on a corporate level and is no fault of ours, dear Facebook friend. No wrongs will be righted by us on this front.

Alright, so secret time; I'm actually rooting for facebook's demise. I feel like the level of toxicity on this site is out of control and beyond help. They've done legit studies on this, with hypotheses, scientists, control groups and everything and they've discovered that the amount of time you're spending on Facebook is directly related to how depressed you are in real life. REAL LIFE! This site is no longer a conducive way for friends and family to stay in touch, but instead it's become a shoving match of biases, endless bragging, and the most pathetic pity parties.

Night owl for life!

So it's 10:30 and Ben has already been asleep for an hour and a half, which I think warrants a little life update of sorts. This past week has been like a reawakening of sorts for me. I feel like I've finally reached a state of balance, personally, creatively, and professionally, after nearly nine months of being in completely new territory and doing my best to keep my head above the water. It's like I've rediscovered routine again, and that's such a relief.

The first sign that I thought this might be happening was the other night I couldn't sleep. I had just put my laptop away after spending 2 or more hours just feeling super stoked about everything; redesigning my blog, researching calligraphy, and setting up some other quite inspirational things. (more on that sometime later) I tried to fall asleep and I just couldn't. I had so much motivation and inspiration going on in my brain, I literally felt like I couldn't fail. This is how I used to feel nearly nightly; inspiration would hit at like ten and going to bed before 2 am was out of the question because I'd be too busy making to-do lists and making new goals.

Now, I don't really think I should be excited to be back here in the night owls for life club, especially with Ben going attempting to go to bed at 9 nowadays like the grandpa he wishes he was.  But I can't help feel like this is a victory. When I first moved to this apartment in May I've been going to bed rather early, for me at least, at like 10 or midnight at the latest. I felt stressed and spent most day; just ready to give in to sleep which I had never previously felt that early in the night before. I feel like my normal desires to create, write, and explore had completely disappeared because I was busy growing into my new self, as a wife and a college graduate. The fact that I'm now, not only comfortable and succeeding in the adult world, but also finding my old creative habits tugging at me, is such a great sign of a healthy balance.

And at first I didn't think that this little epiphany was enough to write about but then I realized I wanted to remember that this happened. Recognizing this change in me feels like harmony returning and that's enough of a reason to write about it to me.

(ALSO! my birthday weekend just happened and it was pretty much the best. I'll probs write about that in a few days. so, keep an eye out for that.)

Ice Bucket Optional.

Now I'm all for donating to charity and having my money be used to help save hundreds of lives and spare the suffering of hundreds more. However, I'm not so in favor of being coerced into doing it via social media. Yes, you guessed it. I'm talking about the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.

In all honesty, whomever came up with this challenge is very clever. First, everyone actually wants to do it because they were "tagged." This must mean they have friends, or at least one "friend" who could only think of two other people. By having their mom/child video them on the back lawn/bath tub with a bucket of cold, icy water they are showing that their sense of personal charity does not discriminate between fun facebook tags and slightly inconvenient ones. No, they are willing to suffer for a good cause regardless of it's temperature.

And the icing on the cake is, because this is for a good cause it's socially unacceptable to complain about it, shirk it, or commit any other act of avoidance. Not to mention that if you find yourself so easily swayed by facebook-land and it's "rules", you would be bound by the ice bucket gods to pay ten times the amount if you commit the treasonous act of not dumping the entirety of your freezer's ice on your head/lawn/bath tub.

Once you have finally done the deed, you get to extract your revenge upon nominate three more people and spread the goodness infinitely. So in the end the damp coldness of your head and shirt is overshadowed by the warmth in your heart because you really, truly made a difference today.

This whole escapade is flawless, I mean... so long as peer pressure is your weakness and you have one of those magical freezers that will supply you with endless amounts of ice. That is, unless you realize the ice bucket gods don't exist and that you're allowed to donate to any charity you'd like without announcing it on social media. Ice bucket optional.

And yes, this does mean I'm (trying to be) baaaaaaaaack.

music and pictures: thankvember day 12

i'm kind of having one of those stressed out to the max days where all i want to do is listen to one song on repeat at full volume while looking at photos of places i've never been and will probably never go.

so in spirit of that, i am thankful for music that allows me to instantly feel so much so intensely, so instantly. and i'm thankful for photographs which allow me to see things and people i would never otherwise get to experience.

here's one of those places:

here's one of those songs:

overwhelmingly introspective.

hi.
so it's been a while. i want to say i'm not sure why that is, but i'm thinking life has something to do with it. honestly, so much has been going on, so many good memory worthy things that i regretfully keep forgetting to document them all.

in line with that, pretty sure the last time i wrote in here i was in austria. this is no longer the case. i'm happy to report that i made it home safe and sound and as jet lagged as ever. the transition from away to was unexpectedly smooth. i am continuously baffled at my ability to so immediately adapt to wherever i am.  baffled and grateful.

i'm feeling overwhelmingly introspective today. i can't tell if this feeling is rooted in regret or joy. or maybe it's a combination of the two.
see, i can't find a job. and austria didn't exactly leave me with an abundance of funds, surprisingly enough. so spending money even on food is extremely stressful.
on the other hand, life is so good, you guys. yesterday i was able to enjoy a visit from one of my good friends i made in austria. it's still so surreal to me that i spent 5 months of my life over there, expanding not only my view of the world but myself as an individual. i found myself getting sucked into looking at an album on facebook of a friend's pictures from abroad. i ache to go back. there's a fullness that accompanies an experience as big as that. that was one of the consequences of traveling that i was not expecting.

i've been lucky though. i don't pine for travel. i am content with where i am and who i'm with. but every few weeks or so, an introspective respite catches me off guard and i'm overtaken by gratitude and longing.
and that's where i am today.

maybe that's why i can't pinpoint what this feeling is inside me, because it's not one but two.

once again, i didn't really start writing this with a cohesive thought in mind. i just knew there were thoughts inside me that needed to be outside of me. i feel as though i've only been able to convey 10% of what i'm feeling, but i suppose that will have to do for now.

i put this song on to quell my heart while attempting to write everything i needed to, and after listening through it once i realized just how perfect it is for this moment.

"Setting fire to our insides for fun

To distract our hearts from ever missing them"

to love the warm night air.

do you remember the first time you felt content? like the thorough, aware-of-your-surroundings-in-a-grown-up-sense, content with the current moment of time in which you were living?
i do.

i was probably twelve (it's kinda funny how everything i remember seems to have happened when i was twelve.) and it was nearing easter time. my mother was frantically rushing around the house at ten thirty that night, attempting to undo our messes faster than we could make them. we were expecting my grandparents to arrive any moment.  all the windows were open so the cooling desert breeze could circulate through the house, airing out the freshly sterilized smell. i remember sneaking outside to sit on the porch bench to wait. i was positively bursting with anticipation and happiness. the buzz of our frantic cleaning had stirred up the butterflies in my stomach and i felt so full of so many good things that i couldn't stay inside anymore. this is when i fell in love with warm night air. 


i don't remember what time my grandparents eventually showed up. i don't remember what i got for easter that year. i don't even remember what age i truly was, but every year when the night air finally becomes a pleasant, tolerable version of the day's sweltering heat, i remember that night and i feel so full of childlike contentment that i can't help but get lost in the breeze. and i feel unbelievably full of so many good things once again.


i wanted to do something special for my 100th post and without realizing it, i wrote this instead. 
and it couldn't be more perfect.

i promise you, this relates.

i'm currently sitting in a dark room. my bedroom light bulb blew earlier today and the repairman won't get my entry in the "fix it, bitte" book until tomorrow. so i'm sitting in the dark, listening to the rain softly hit the tin shutters outside my open window and watching the occasional light show the alps are providing.

i think this is the most calm my heart has been in quite some time.

i'm feeling oddly content. "oddly" because my stomach is mad at me for forgetting to go grocery shopping today and my brain is attempting to illicit stress by trying to remind me of pages unwritten with impending due dates.

and yet i'm content. i've spent the past two hours looking at the film photography of a few artists i really admire and reading interviews about why they do what they do. looking at their work and seeing their obvious undying dedication to a supposedly dying art brings me a strange sense of fulfillment. almost as if i can see clearly why it is that i've picked photographyto be so fond of myself.

i didn't start writing this with a self revelation in mind. i only knew i was experiencing one of those soft moments in time the need to be recorded before the flood gates break in, and you're once again drowning in the mundane, having completely forgotten your rare respite.

yesterday, while in my "poetry and painting: the american frontier" class i sat in a chair against the back wall, because all the tables were full, very visibly fighting sleep. to gain the upper hand in that futile battle i started doodling on a blank page i had already titled "this relates." i haven't doodled in an academic setting since AP classes in high school. before long my pictures turned into paragraphs of confessions, things i hadn't yet taken the time to realize about myself.

it may not seem to make much sense now, but i promise you, this relates.

some things: tuesday addition.

here are some things (i figured i haven't done this in a while, so i thought it was time to do it again. also i'm procrastinating):
i need a hair cut so badly that it's a very good thing i don't own a pair of scissors and that i'm not willing to buy any for the short while i have left, otherwise i definitely would have cut it myself by now. so instead i either pin my bangs back the second i wake up or spend the entire day pushing them out of my face like some lost emo girl who managed to escape '06 (or is that still a thing these days? i'm so out of the loop)

i have roughly 30-45 pages worth of papers to write in the next four weeks. ahhhhhh!
as a direct result of that crippling number, i have just cleaned my room. it hasn't looked this good since... my german midterm.

my brother comes home in one week. another ahhhh!

i finished a really good book today, and it's making me want to reread all the books i fell in love with a few years ago instead of reading what i'm being assigned. i realize that's not particularly interesting, but that's the sort of thing we specialize here in maria-land. you're welcome.

also, i feel the need to once again thank my mom for my kindle. i got one for christmas, something i'd never even considered asking for, but it's become such a life savor. i can't tell you how many times i've had to wait across town for my bus to make it's rounds on it's 15-30 minute route and instead of being forced to pull my hair out of boredom, i've been able to open my kindle and choose from 150 books to read. ooh technology, you have my heart.

speaking of buses... kinda... there was a man standing at my bus stop today who was just chillin with his pants around his ankles. just standing there. like that's a normal thing for a 60 year old man to be doing. and it was not normal. luckily he had the foresight to wear a long shirt today. which is so strange to me, because he didn't even have the whereabouts to pull his pants back up. no worries though, i used one of my few but highly coveted super powers, avoiding eye contact of any sort, to spare myself from viewing anything too awkward.

while you're here want to see some incredibly awkward pictures of me? okay!

why i let rakel take such pictures is beyond me. why i don't delete them... is a whole other question.

other things... oh, i only have a month left here. not that that's a HUGE FREAKING DEAL or anything. i'm aware we already went through this a few days ago but i'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around it. as i have my internal struggle between wishing that time would simultaneously hurry and stop, time is playing coy and pretending not to notice, moving on like nothing is wrong. oh time, you respecter of no man. i admire you for that.

lets end on a good note shall we? so, at least three times a week i go to bed around midnight and wake up before 8 AM. i knew when i moved over here that i would change and grow in ways that i couldn't even imagine, but i had no idea it was going to fix the unfixable. if you would have told me that i was going to have to move to europe to fix my sleep schedule i would have started harboring a severely dysfunctional circadian rhythm loooong ago.

so. it's been... a few hours. i should probably start on that paper, eh?
wah.

preemptive walk down memory lane.

i'm kind of at a loss here, guys. part of me has been feeling compelled to write in here for a good few weeks while the another part of me has been absolutely forbidding it. i only have a month left with time picking up speed each day, turning my mind into the very definition of conflict and confusion and therefore not really conducive for writing others would want to read (as you're about to find out).

i have so many things i'm looking forward to at home, like being reunited with my brother after a very long two years and a few exciting trips with people i have been really, really missing. but at the same time thinking about leaving this place makes me feel like frantically running around the city clinging to every surface possible.

i don't want to leave. i don't feel ready to say goodbye yet. there's so much i haven't seen, felt or eaten and to think of leaving before doing all that makes me feel like i'm never going to have an opportunity to.

but even beyond all that, i don't want to leave the people i've met here. guys, i've been so lucky. the branch here is full of such loving and giving members. if my belief in the christ-like nature that our church tries to instill in it's members was ever called to question, these people have more than validated it. i can't even imagine having to say goodbye to the missionary couple here, they've been like my european grandparents, always giving me a handshake and a hug every time they see me. not to mention the other friendships i've forged with the young single adults. every single one of them have been such a blessing in my life. to think that the time is coming where i won't get to see them every sunday, monday and thursday, or truthfully maybe ever again, is something i am having a hard time wrapping my head around. they've become such an anchor in my daily life that there is definitely going to be a gaping hole there once i leave.

i'm really going to miss planning elaborate trips that somehow end up happening. i'm going to miss friday night's dinner and a movie every weekend. i'm going to miss waiting for an extra 12-25 minutes at sillpark for my bus after FHE/JAE just so we can talk a little while longer. i'm going to miss watching ping pong games that seem to go on forever but always end up in consuming and infectious laughter. i'm just all around gong to miss getting to hang out with such amazing diverse people.

when i first signed up to come here i thought only of the experiences i was going to have, but i completely forgot to factor in the people who i was bound to care for way too much for my own good. 

  

i'm really going to miss these guys. 

walking pants and running noses.

it's 1:30 AM on a sunday night, i'm exhausted and so i thought i'd blog some things (makes sense, right? always):

first, i'm sick. this reeeeally bites because i just barely got over a nasty sickness i contracted around mid januray. yes, that's right. i've barely had a few weeks respite before my body gave in to another illness. i've been doing so much walking with my legs as of late that it's like my nose is trying to catch up by running continuously. (that sentence probably sounded better in my head but i'm leaving it. yep)the worst part? sickness + expensive medicine= high probability for sinus infection. wah.

because medicine is so expensive over here i figure letting myself sleep is the next best thing to getting healthy again. between feeling under the weather and coming home so late last night from traveling, i let myself lounge around all day today.
story time: because we got home late-ish last night from our week long adventures around germany i was feeling sick, i was tired, and i had zero desire to unpack. so basically when i woke up this morning my apartment was a wreck. i had no plans of really leaving my apartment today so i broke out the laptop and started editing pictures (which i still have a crap ton to edit: speaking of which, PICTURE BREAK!)

me on prague's oldest bridge, looking as suave as ever.

 in my pajamas. no make up, bed head, the whole package. at about one there was a knock at my door. i was aware of just how attractive i must have looked at the moment so i contemplated just ignoring it. luckily, i braved the knocks because it turned out to be my roommate and her boyfriend. her name is marina, she's 18 and from russia and her english is a little rusty. and i met her in full blown hobo mode. so embarrassing. even though i looked super gross she still talked to me, with the help of her boyfriend who translated a little. she even gave me some of this little cupcake/muffin thing her mom made. i'm glad that was her first impression of me. i figure i'm setting the bar really really low so it'll be all uphill from there, right? right...

oh! part of taking today easy also consisted of finding the where my mail comes in this building. and consequently finding a valentine's card from my mom. what's the best kind of valentine? one that comes a little late and therefore a very unexpected and pleasant surprise.

today also marks the first day i've cooked dinner for myself in the kitchen here, which i know sounds a little ridiculous because it's been nearly 4 weeks but i've been traveling so much that i'm either gone or out and about with friends at dinner time. the best part of my dinner adventure was googling the instructions of how to make my soup, which i'm going to guess was of the potato slash onion variety, and then improvising because i only bought a sauce pan, not a pot. oh, and i had no way to measure 3/4 liters of water, so i just kind of eye balled it. honestly, the experience could have gone a lot worse. also, it was tasty. dinner= success.

alright, on to the depressing part: a big part of traveling so much and being cheap is you end up walking. everywhere. we've been traveling so much by foot these past few weeks that i literally walked holes into my pants. "but why is this so depressing, maria?" thank you for asking, inquisitive reader, as a reward for being such an active reader i shall answer your question. those were/are my favorite pair of pants. and they don't make them anymore. also, raise your hand if you agree with me that buying pants is THE WORST. so when i find a pair i like i will basically wear them until they fall apart. because of my uncharacteristically high amount of walking oriented activities i participated in, my pants have reached the end of their life prematurely. i thought i'd have at least another year left in them, optimistically speaking. so to console/reward myself i purchased a slightly different pair from ebay, which should be arriving at my parent's house in a timely manner this week, conveniently 5,000 miles away from me. which is awesome.

as the red circle advertises, these jeans are clearly classy. 

in other news, the light in my bathroom is still broken. which makes showering fun. also, school starts in a week. i'm kind of nervous about that actually. it's been quite a few months since i've had to attempt to think critically or academically. i'll let you all know how that pans out.

courtesy of the many hours i've spent on trains these past few weeks i've finished three books. only one of which was i able to say "i'm glad i read that" after i finished it. i really need to stop reading young adult literature. i'm currently taking recommendations on what to read next, if you're passionate enough about a book you've recently read, let me know?

so let me sum up my past week: berlin was awesome. freezing and slightly depressing but awesome. dresden was smaller than expected but that didn't stop it from meeting my expectations for evidence of it's previous war-torn state. prague was... intimidating. the language was even worse than german, the money was insane (18 koruns to each dollar, so a meal at mcdonals was like 74 koruns. riddykong), and poor planning lead to a lot of aimless wandering. you'd think we would have learned better than that by now. apparently not. and the cherry on top of my travels: people continue to amaze me with their undeserved kindness towards me. the atm at dresden's train station glitched and refused to give me my money. i couldn't read the attention/warning/important note thing it was displaying in german, so i went to ask two train station employees who were standing not too far from me, and wouldn't you guess it, they don't speak any english. a random dude heard me so obviously struggling to communicate to them with my severely limited german and he attempted to help me. he failed, but at least he attempted. things like that keep happening to me. or i'll see random strangers come together to help a young mother maneuver her bulky stroller, or a weary luggage burdened traveler, onto or off various public transportation. i don't know why seeing goodness in people still surprises me. that can't be a good sign.

up coming travels: tomorrow night at 11 we're taking a night train to rome where we're planning on spending a few days before heading to florence for a few more days. no lies, i'm preeeetty excited.

closing thought: i've been ruminating over this for the past few weeks as i've been traveling places. i've slowly come to realize that places and things don't matter. it's people who make the difference. i feel like i could, or should, expound on that a little more but it's now 2 AM and i have a sinus headache that has nearly succeeded in making me cross eyed. safe to say it's time for bed.

valentine's day? wah wah wah...

so i barely missed being able to say i spent valentine's day in paris, which for some reason i thought would be cool. it being the city of romance... and valentine's day being... well.. you know... romantic. but then i realized i didn't even have a valentine so really being in paris on february 14th would be no different than being there the 5th-11th so i decided i didn't care anymore.

and after that little train of though, i managed to totally forget that today was valentines day, which is probably a good sign... considering a lot of other single girls my age can't seem to forget and are therefore posting thinly veiled attempts to appear content with their lack of a significant other, things like "single and loving it! i don't need no man to make me happy" or "having a love affair with chocolate and ryan gosling movies instead of a real man" or posting pictures of chocolates and flowers sent to them by their parents, who are undoubtedly aware of their daughter's fragile "single" state, and wording the description ambiguously enough that someone casually glancing through their facebook feed might accidentally assume that the flowers were given to them by a secret male admirer. yes. those postings.

i am happy to report that my valentines day was more of the productive variety. it included:
my first ever trip to ikea, and it was truly underwhelming. as we walked in i kept thinking about the newest episode of 30 rock where liz and her boyfriend criss end up fighting and the creepy ikea employee comes up behind them and screams "silence prisoners! i mean, how can i help you valued customers today?" unfortunately nothing like that happened for me. unless of course, you count everything being written in german, which i don't because i stopped counting that a few weeks ago.

watching pride and prejudice with rakel while eating these fantastic gummy fruit things. i have no idea what they were but i liked them. also, can someone explain to me the phenomenon that is girls who are obsessed with mr.darcy? as far as i can tell he's insufferable for most of the movie, until his very under-the-table redeeming acts, and even then elizabeth still dislikes him. i mean i could understand why girls would want the mr.darcy from the book but not from the movie. not that i didn't like the movie, i did. i found it perfectly fitting for valentine's day.

the bus on my way home was full of young couples holding dollar store chocolates and flowers. actually come to think of it, i saw a lot of couples today. especially young ones engaging in very public displays of affection. now those two kids sucking face on the bus this morning makes a lot more sense.

well it's officially 2:45 AM here, and i have officially managed to ruin whatever semblance of a normal sleep schedule i was attempting to maintain. so i think i'll head to bed.

oh! p.s. while in paris we went to a more modern art exhibit and i fell in love with one of the artist's work there. her name is corine perier and she specializes in mixing animals together, kinda. the colors she uses are all bold and very natural and smoothly beautiful. here are a few of her works that i absolutely love.

                    

not so much of an update as an attempt to maintain composure.

the lady sitting at the front desk of the hostel that we're staying at looks an awful lot like an unkempt, dark haired version of the foreign writer on 30 rock, only with a bigger nose and an actual real accent.

may i present to you, sue galloway, the foreign writer from 30 rock. pretty sure her name is holga or helga or something else tragically Norweigian.

she's been playing whitney houston songs for the past hour and a half or so, in what i can only imagine is her attempt at a small scale homage to the recently deceased music artist. currently she's playing i want to dance with somebody and singing rather enthusiastically. and by "rather" i mean "very".

this really doesn't have much to do with anything, but i'm having a really hard time not laughing at her, so i'm choosing to focus all my energy on this instead. success.


another reason for this useless update is we have a train to catch in three hours and nothing to do. so we're currently killing time. i've complained about this enough that i'm sure you're all familiar with my lack of reliable internet here, therefore perusing entertainment via the web isn't a smart option. it produces slight anger storms and it's not a pretty sight.


i don't really have much else to write about today. we did spend an hour and a half traversing the creepiest/coolest cemetery ever though, and no worries, i took probably 150 pictures. i'm crossing my fingers that our train will have power outlets so i can work on those pictures tonight.

yep, i think that's about it.

tschussy!

2011: in review

So, it's January right? As I’ve already talked about, this year has been hectic from day one. Because of this I haven't really had time to reflect on 2011 as much as I would have liked. As I was moving back to St. George two days ago in my belonging-laden car, one of my new favorite songs started playing on my iPod. I found myself completely engulfed in just how good it was and I realized that not only was it one of my favorite songs of last year but that the whole album and artist were my favorites as well. And from this small thought a blog post was born! 

2011 favorites:

Artist: Greg Holden. he's a relatively small British artist who writes beautifully simple songs that suit his voice just perfectly. His album I don't believe you is all worth listening to but my favorite song is easily are we wasted:

(Because Greg is such an unknown artist this is the only version of this song I could find on YouTube.)

Honorable mentions: Broken Bells, Parachute, Adele, (I’m already shaking my head over this next one) Nicki Minaj, Florence and the Machine, and Emily Haines and the Soft Skeletal. 

Rediscovered artists: Jonezetta. I used to be a pretty big fan of these guys in high school buuut their newest album (which came out like mid 2009… and yes, I realize I’m way behind) has completely reconverted me. I’m a Jonezetta-liber once again. Favorite new song: paint and picture or cruel to be young. Favorite old song: communicate or backstabber. 

Album:  Ceremonials by Florence and the Machine. Favorite song: if only for a night. 

Honestly you guys, it’s one of those songs that every time I hear it I am required to turn my volume up as loud as I can stand it. It’s that good. Listen to it with headphones, trust me. 

Honorable mentions: I don't believe you by Greg Holden as stated above. The whole thing is worth listening to.

How to train your dragon OST. I fully realize that this came out in 2010 but 2011 is when I discovered it. You guys, I love this cd. I’ve always had this weird thing for Irish anything and this soundtrack manages to weave that Celtic feeling into each song so perfectly that it hushes my craving to someday see those Irish shores, if only for 24 3 minute periods. Favorite song? Forbidden friendship. I love this song so much that I based an entire art project around it. (haha if that wasn't the most pretentious thing I've said in a long time...)

Honorable, honorable mention:

Vices and Virtues by Panic! At The Disco. I just like the song ready to go, so I thought I’d throw this one out there in case you’re like me and you kind of forgot that Panic! At The Disco is still a thing.

Song: Always Remember Me by Ry Cumming. I'm still trying really hard to find someone who is willing to learn to play this on the guitar for me. Insta- Swoon.

Honorable mentions:

Replaced by Katie

What I know by Parachute

Never going back again by Fleetwood Mac

Crossfire by Brandon Flowers

Titanium by David Guetta ft Sia

Our hell by Emily Haines and the soft skeletal. 

Young blood by the naked and famous

Passenger’s Seat by Death Cab for Cutie (I realize this is an old song but I didn’t find out about it until about June-ish. not my fault I’m way behind.)

Artist I never thought I’d willingly put on my iPod: maroon 5. Stutter…. yes please. Also, moves like Jagger. I’m questioning all my own music taste at this point.

Honorable mention: John Meyer. Seriously, WHO AM I?!

Movie: if we're judging solely on the amount of times I’ve watched it, then my favorite has to be Easy A. however, I do claim The Fall as my favorite of the year. (However, I may have discovered this movie at the very end of 2010. eh. technicalities.)

Honorable mentions: 

Limitless- I loved the premise of this movie.

The Help- as much as I didn't want to let this movie affect me, it definitely did. Also, it has Emma Stone in it. LOOOOVE her.

Book: The Picture of Dorian Gray. Oscar Wilde is such a profound and talented writer and this book got me willing to attempt to love more classic works. 

Honorable mention: Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. Guys, I’m not even done with this book yet and I’m so totally in love with it. The writing is touching and beautiful and poetic. Jonathan Safran Foer is brilliant. 

New TV show: Modern Family. A girl I worked with finally got me to start watching this show and I instantly fell in love. It’s sassy, smart and entertaining, what more can you honestly ask for?

Honorable mention:

Raising Hope. The first time I watched this show I absolutely hated it. Ask Trina, I went off about how stupid it was for about ten minutes. For reasons unknown to me I attempted watching it again aaand it's now safe to say it's one of my favorites. If you like satirical humor about lower class white folk this show will definitely deliver. 

Person: Jk I couldn't do that. But Trina has put up with me for yet another year, which I feel definitely warrants recognition... just putting that out there. 

Best pet fish: Oscar. Hands down. 

Website: 750words.com, it's basically an online journal of sorts. It's based on the premise that it takes 750 words to get the creativity blood flowing through their fingers.  The creator of the website encourages his users to basically word vomit for 750 words, every single day. That's it. It’s nice, simple and private. best of all though, they take what you've written and they analyze it, telling you how fast you typed, how consistent your writing was, the content you wrote about (us, I, or them, or family vs. work, or past, present or future.) if you use the website as a brain dumping ground it's really eye opening to see exactly where your thoughts lie. 

Honorable mention: 

pinterest.com; those who know me, know how visual I am. I'm pretty sure one day I wished I could save everything I loved on the internet in one, visual spot, and somehow someone heard me and decided to call it Pinterest. And that's how it came to be. Pinterest helps me organize all the wonderful/weird things I find on the internet in one easy to see place. This helps to cut down on the number of tabs I have open on my browser at any given time, which apparently isn't normal if I am to judge based off people's reactions when I open my web browser. 

Web series: Very Mary Kate. I quote this, not even kidding, daily. Everything from "be quiet evil dragon, I'm trying to have a conversation *disgusted look*" to "my toes is froze, my nose is froze, and my kimono's froze" to "gross.com/stabmeintheheart.html" to "don't cry M cakes, it's gross" to "ooh Nana Troll Face will be thrilled." to "comet, comet, comet, comet, comet. Yay, I have an island!" to "'NYU? more like N-why are you yelling?' 'I'm not yellling.' 'Yes, you are you're so loud!' 'No, I'm not. I'm sure of it, I'm emotionally shut down.'" to "can you bring me a blanket? it's like really brrrrr in here" yes, I just pulled all of those from memory. I can watch her videos over and over and over again and they're still just as funny every time. 

Honorable Mention: I don't know if he counts but since this is my list I'm making it count; Peter Lee Johnson takes popular songs and plays them on his violin and then posts the songs to his youtube channel. And he's freaking good at it. I know I've posted some of his covers on here before but his music makes me so happy that I have no problem talking about it again. 

Picture: (to the right) This is one of the first pictures I took with my new lens. Everything about this makes me so happy, and that's what photography is supposed to do, right? Right.

Habit acquired: chewing ice. I feel bad for everyone who had to deal with me for the six months of this past year where chewing ice was my thing. So sorry Trina. 

Honorable mention: 

-Doing my nails. I never thought I’d be one of those girls who spends stupid amounts of time on her nails… but now I am. Still unsure how I feel about this.

-completely disregarding time. This is definitely one of the more dangerous, albeit freeing, habits that I've acquired in quite some time. 

Habit vanquished: Chewing Ice. Turns out I really was anemic and all it took was consistent dosage of a small white pill, once a day to rid me of it. Who knew, right?

Best decision: getting a job at Kiddie Kandids. Not only did I get a chance to work with some really great people who helped me learn a lot about what's important in life, but I also gained confidence in my own photography skills. This has already benefited me tremendously. Oh, and I earned money so I could continue... you know... living. 

Worst memory: losing my job in September. Looking back, I probably did the most growing as an adult in September; it was easily the most impacting month of the year for me. I met some of the greatest people in my daily life today back then and I also lost some of the most influential people in my life as well. I got a job that furthered my passions. And I took classes that solidified choices I was making with a career path in mind. Win some, lose some.

Best purchase: My lens; 50mm f/1.8. This baby has make it possible for me to take the shots I've been craving for over a year now. Everything is more crisp and a little closer to perfect. 

Honorable mention: stereo for my car. In July I broke down and spent about $100 on a sound system of sorts. It's not the best but it's definitely better than listening to the 75-ish CD mixes I burned in high school every time I drove back and forth from Logan to St.George. I used to listen to the weirdest stuff....

Worst decision: To bleach and re-dye my hair myself. I have too much hair and not enough patience for that to have turned out well. But I’m too cheap to go and have it professionally fixed so to this day I still have nice and patchy hair. Awesome. 

Honorable mention: to be the one with the utilities under my name at my apartment during the summer. My two old roommates still owe me a collective $140. That's an entire paycheck to me. This still bugs me daily. 

Biggest accomplishments: Losing weight. Yes, I realize that's such a girl thing to say, but it's the truth. Not only do I feel better physically but I feel better about myself mentally as well. 

More Life Altering Things: 

*Parent’s moving from the house I've lived in since I was seven. 

*In July my grandfather died. That was the first funeral I've ever been to for someone that I was not only close with but who had actually impacted my life as well. It was pretty rough. 

*Keeping a more consistent blog; I wrote nightly in a journal from the time I was 16 until I turned about 20 and started going through a rough patch that I didn't want to remember. Blogging has helped me write down and keep track of more of those memories I don't want to forget. 

*My roommate from last year, Katie Berryessa-now-Gish got married in June. 

Best realization: that I’ve finally overcome most of the short comings that have been holding me back since I was 14. I've managed to conquer unnecessary social fears I've been harboring for far too long. Also, my happy days have outweighed my stressed out days, and that is the most clear mark of a good year. I’ve done a lot of growing this year, a lot more than I was expecting out of my second year from school. 2011 has definitely been a year that I can look back on and see that the blessings have overwhelmingly outweighed the trials.  

obligatory resolution post.

if one was to judge my new years resolutions based solely on how often, or how not often, i've posted on this blog lately one would assume i've made no resolutions at all; which would unfortunately be true. so that's what i'm attempting to do right now.

it's taken me an extra week longer than everyone else to finally sit down and write resolutions because life has been intense lately. this is my second to last night here in logan and i'm still stressing over selling my contract, getting my visa and signing up for classes for this semester. kids, life is crazy. even though i'm nearly 99% sure i'm not going to remember that i've made these resolutions by the end of the month, let alone the end of the year, i'm still going to make them (if i seem to be talking myself in circles it's because i just woke up from a 2 1/2 hour nap and talladega nights is on tv, and while i'm not very fond of this show it's still substantially distracting.)

i haven't really spent much time thinking of resolutions for this year. i'm doing so many things so soon that are so out of my comfort zone that i know personal growth is inevitable.
anyway, let the resolutions begin:

• exercise/health. last semester i was lucky enough to have a schedule that automatically made me walk daily due to how insanely far my classes were from the shuttle stop. that distance was intensified because of my affinity for the snooze button and my ever astounding ability to be late for everything. i don't know how daily life is going to be once i'm in austria but hopefully there is an adequate amount of walking involved. i also want to start eating more a more healthy and well balanced diet. over all i would really like to lose another 15 lbs, but if i manage to maintain the weight i am now i'll be happy.
• money. as my money situation currently stands i am going to be completely broke after my little study abroad expedition. i want to somehow save up enough money so i don't have to rely on loans to get back up here to usu in the fall. 
• photography. i feel like my project 365 did me a lot of good last year but i don't feel as though i'll benefit from it as much this year. therefore, my new goal is to focus more on taking pictures for other people, getting sessions, and growing in the business aspect of things. working for kiddie kandids helped me be more sure of myself when it comes to portraits and i want to continue growing in that direction. i also have a few photoshoots and photo techniques in mind that i want to try my hand at: such as levitating and using a flash ring. overall i want to still take at least 30 flickr worthy pictures every month, which is essentially the same as my project 365, but with less emphasis on daily photo taking.
• reading. i really slacked off reading in 2011 and i want to get back into that. i would love to take the 50 book challenge this year but i feel like with all the traveling i'm going to be doing, that would be a stiflingly ambitious so instead i'm going to say i want to read at least 25 books this year, with at least 5 of those books being classics. 
• writing. two years ago i bought the most beautiful journal for my pending study abroad adventures. my goal is to have that journal completely full by the end of this year. i guess i should stick a resolution about blogging in here as well. although i loved blogging every day in august 2011, i'm mostly concerned about my private writings this year so making a goal to blog everyday or even 5 times a week would be out of reach. therefore i want to blog around 4-5 times a month. i'm sure i'll have enough pictures or stories to tell you guys about my travels that this will be a piece of cake.  i also want to get myself writing poetry again. it's been far too long since i wrote anything worth being proud of.
• traveling. this one is probably going to be the easiest to accomplish. i want to become extremely familiar with europe. while i realize it's probably unrealistic to think i'll be able to travel everywhere that i want to before i leave, i want to at least make sure i end up in ireland. i've felt a strange compulsion to visit there for years now and it's time to figure out why that is.
• friends. i feel like i've met more good people and established more solid friendships this year than i have since i was in elementary school when becoming best friends with people was easy. i really hope to continue that trend this year. maaaybe even establish some relationships outside the realm of "just friends" as well, if you know what i mean. 
• sleep. i just want at least get myself to the point where my sleep schedule is at least semi close to the time zone that i actually live in and not off in new zeland where it is right now. 
• creativity. this year i'm going to learn to paint with water colors. i really just want to draw more, get to know myself and what i really am capable of artistically and creatively.
• schooling. school kind of took a back seat this year to important things... such as playing... and sleeping, but next year i want to take it a little bit more seriously. i want to apply and get accepted into the art and graphic design program here, getting at least a 3.75 every semester. i want to stop procrastinating assignments and to ultimately be able to look at each project i compete and be able to honestly say it was my best work. 

so far 2011 has been one of my favorite years and i can't help but think 2012 is going to be even better, and if things to the way they already have been it definitely will be. 

our attempt to write 2012! in sparklers. it was.... semi successful?

in unrelated news: want to hear one of my favorite songs as of late? ok!

i can't decide if i like the original better or this cover by ingrid michaelson. 

a (very, very late) thanksgiving post.

wanna know something i'm weirdly good at? i've probably already written about this a time or two but i have this habit where i'll write a blog post at some stupid hour at night and because it's so late and i'm so tired, making useful revision nearly impossible, i have the good sense to save my post as a draft, telling myself i i will revise and post it the next day. aaaand i never do. the following writing is the product of that. i wrote this all last sunday and even though the context in which it was written isn't exactly relevant anymore i still feel like the post itself says something important therefore i'm sharing it with you all anyway. 

so about two minutes ago, as i was in my kitchen putting away my unsuccessful attempt at no bake cookies, i started thinking back on thanksgiving weekend that i was lucky enough to spend with my family and i felt compelled to write a little something about just how much i really do have to be grateful for.

family: i love having extended family whom i love and actually look forward to spending time with. i know so many people who either hate or don't feel comfortable with their aunts, uncles, grandparents or cousins. i love that, through out my life my immediate family has made it a priority in my life to forge friendships with my extended family. i'm also grateful for such an enjoyable immediate family. weston is such a kidder. brooke is the epitome of being a carefree child. christee is the best example. my mom is the most giving and service oriented person i know. my father is such a personification of integrity and such a great example to me of who i want to become. and, of course, jesse is my best friend.

our little family photoshoot that we did over thanksgiving break. jesse made a guest appearance. it was a holiday miracle!

i'm grateful to have been blessed with the gift of perspective. i have no doubt in my mind that that's why i was able to avoid making some of the bad choices i was faced with in high school and why i can so easily handle hardship now. i know that all the uncomfortable situations i find myself in are but a small moment. now if only i could apply that same thought process to binge eating half set up no bake cookies i'd be set.

i'm grateful for my roommate and friend, katrina. i know so many people who end up hating their best friends after living with them but i can honestly say, even after a year and a half, i've never regretted living with katrina. not even for a second. if anything i'm pretty sure she got the short end of the stick. i'm always joking about how i feel way bad because my bad habits are rubbing off on her like when she wakes up late for class (not that, that happens, because katrina's perfect, right terina?). she's taught me how to prioritize and that i should probably attempt to be more of a perfectionist. also that i need to learn to be cleaner. (don't worry trina, my mom sympathizes with you there.)

trina, i bet you didn't know the little gem on the right existed, did you? 

i'm grateful to know who i am, who i want to be and to have a plan on how to get there. there are so many unanswerable variables out there that make life hard and i can't imagine trying to tackle all those while not even knowing myself or what i truly wanted.

i love that my list of things to be grateful for is full of people. i'm always joking around that my life is so easy and that i never have any right to complain but it's so true. my life is easy. and i love it.

remember back when i told you "what i know" by parachute was my current favorite song? well they have another one that just won't leave my head. it's called "something to believe in" aaaand basically i love it. so here you are. enjoy. 

oscar wilde: the bravest addition.

so, here are some things (i feel like every post is starting that way, but it doesn't bug me enough to change it.)

i believe most of you know of the most recent addition to my little apartment:

his name is oscar wilde, and i love him. i'm not even kidding, ask katrina. i show him to anyone brave enough to enter our apartment, i basically greet him every time i enter my room, and i randomly talk about him. a lot. the other day i put him in front of the mirror because i wanted to see how he would react, thinking there was another beta around. let me tell you, oscar is a feisty one. i had to remove the mirror because i was afraid he was going to kill himself by ramming his head into the side of the bowl repeatedly. yesterday, i accidentally poured too much fish food into his tank so i went and got a spoon to scoop it out with. instead of cowering away from the foreign object, as a lesser fish would do, he came right up to it and tried to intimidate it. i couldn't have purchased a more fitting fish if i'd tried. i feel like such a proud mother.

as part of being an art major a graphic design major i get to go to a seminar once a week where successful artists in the community come and speak to us, i would imagine so that we all don't grow too hopeless in ever using our degree to actually make money. tonight we got to hear from a rather famous and pretty well off photographer, patrick cone. pat started off by showing us some of his most famous work, and then telling us how much money he's made (one picture has made him almost over $20,000). he then proceeded to tell us that a freelance photographer being hired by magazines or companies should NEVER pay for hotels, flights, food or equipment upgrades. guys. we have a serious problem here. everything he was saying had the little wanna-be-artist inside of me screaming that this is what she wants to do. for some reason i had it stuck in my head that the only photography i could ever make money from would be portraits (which we all know isn't my forte) but this guy, he makes money from his street photography. he gets flown to places like new york, portugal, and new zeland to take pictures of amazing sites i can only dream of. and it's all paid for. i don't think i've ever been so excited to listen to one middle aged man for an hour in my life. even though i completely realize that thinking i'll ever get to that same professional status as him is a total stretch, i at least have a little more fire under me to go out and practice what i love. he said something tonight that really stuck with me. "do you have to do art?" he paused as we all thought about it, some of us slightly shaking our heads no. "i don't know about you guys but i totally do. i'm compelled to. it's all i know how to do, and when i see something i love, i HAVE to document it." that's the point i want to get to in my life, feeling compelled to take my camera everywhere just in case i see that one perfect shot that i know i'll regret passing up. i already have those moments where i wish i could have documented something, but i can't wait for the day where my love of documenting overrides my self doubt. wow, that paragraph grew really fast and got kinda heavy towards the end there. apologies. lets move on to lighter/girlier things.

for the past few months i've really, really wanted to dye my hair some outrageous colour. something like this:

the way i see it, i'm nearing the place in my life where obnoxious colored hair soon won't be acceptable anymore, or i guess even less acceptable than it is now. while dying my hair auburn was fun a few months ago, i'm ready to go even more bold. i think blue or purple tips would be amazing. i really need a hair school friend who lives  nearby to help me safely accomplish these things.

speaking of photography: lately i've been compelled to take pictures of my feet wherever i'm standing/sitting/currently being. i kinda want to start some sort of project with that but i don't know where i would post the pictures. they're just simple ones taken with my phone but the few that i've taken have kind of made me really happy, and i want to continue this. thoughts?


i painted my nails tonight:

the amount of times i paint my nails in any given week is directly proportional to how bored i am vs. how lazy i am. all in all i'm pretty proud of how they turned out.


so, every so often i go through these stages where i spend a few hours late at night on half.com compiling lists and lists of books to purchase that i've wanted to read for ever. stuff ranging from old classics, to stuff popular today to books i remember reading and absolutely loving as a kid. i easily fill up my shopping cart with 20 or more books and then i check out the total. and then close the entire window because that's too much money and i already have 12 books here that i need to read before i purchase anything else. and then there's two hours of my life that i've wasted with nothing to show for it. i'm unsure why i do this. and yes, tonight was one of those nights.
(half.com book shopping cart update thing: i actually went ahead and purchased those books. 6 books for $14 bucks baby. lets hope i don't regret this in the morning.)

well, now that it's 3 AM i think i'm allowed to go to bed now.
wanna hear what i was listening to while writing this? ok.

ten stupid, but actual reasons why i'm still awake:

1-i have to work in six and a half hours and for some reason that makes me mad and refuse to want to sleep.
2-it's snowing outside. furious.
3-my lips are chapped and my chapstick is across the room.
4-i'm still a little too excited about now having a best friend, oscar.
5-my night didn't go quite as planned, so in semi protest i'm refusing to go to sleep.
6-i'm listening to this song on repeat



and it is so good.
7-i'm finally downloading a movie i've wanted to see FOREVER and i don't want to turn off my computer until it's finished (even though it's only at 11%)
8-it's day four of november and i haven't written anything. and that makes me mad at myself.
9-i'm fighting the compulsion to start reading a book i've owned for over a year now that i haven't even started yet.
10- if i wait another ten minutes my ice cubes will be ready.

i just really, really do not want to work tomorrow.

a list of thoughts: halloween version.

guys. it's only 1 am and i'm already exhausted and completely ready for bed. i feel like this is some kind of bad sign, however because i've had a collective 8 hours of sleep over the past two days, and i work at 9 in the morning i'm not going to fight it this time. well, after i write this and then watch an episode of community on hulu, then i'll stop fighting it.

so, from the moment i got up this morning i've been thinking of things to tell you guys. i haven't really told you anything in a while so the fact that i have multiple things to tell you really caught me off guard. i'm hoping that's just my brain getting me ready/excited for nanowrimo and to write 1,667 words a day, however i'm pretty sure that's purely wishful thinking. which is unfortunate.

lets start from the top:

• i woke up this morning in the most disoriented state i've ever been in my entire life. i spent over ten seconds in three separate mind sets. first: i thought it was saturday, but i couldn't figure out why my alarm was going off. then i was sure it was sunday and that i was late for work. but once i looked at my phone, which said 8:10, that scenario didn't work because we don't open until noon. i knew i had somewhere super important to be but i couldn't figure it out. after some very intense trudging through my cloudy muddled mind i realized it was monday and that i had a project due in my 2D design class in twenty minutes. after some miracle preforming i ended up only being five minutes late to class. still unsure as to how i pulled that one off.
• when people saw me this morning i'm sure they thought i just didn't wake up in time to get ready. but nope: it was actually my halloween costume. or at least that's what my foggy/brilliant state of mind decided to tell EVERYONE I RAN INTO ON THE BUS. which just so happens to be literally everyone i'm friends with up here. but i digress. because i woke up late i didn't have time to... well to virtually do anything. so i quickly threw on some clothes and a couple jackets, grabbed a granola bar and ran for the bus. this means i didn't have time to put on my socially acceptable face which also means i was sporting yesterday's hair. i truly was a vision. 
• after all that fun tired/hobo nonsense i had the privilege of going to the local dollar plus here. in my 3D design class we're creating light fixtures solely out of material purchased at the dollar store. now, anyone who knows me knows i HATE dollar stores. there's just something inherently repulsive about them to me. but today i must have been in a more receptive state of mind because i found myself in awe of the store's low prices instead of put off by them. that is, until i was waiting in the check out line with my china-made finds and i spotted a pregnancy test right next to the packs of sure-to-be-stale wriggly gum. my first reaction was to laugh. why anyone would put any faith in a pregnancy test purchased at a dollar store is completely beyond me. my second reaction was to text trina, whom them responded accurately with a "hahahhah"
• as a valued employee of kiddie kandid's i get to work in logan's sad excuse of a mall. today they sponsored trick or treating for over 3,000 little kids to come dressed up and get free candy. what baffled me wasn't how many parents were dressed up, but how many were scantily clad. which was an alarming amount. i guess some people never quite grow out of some phases.
• in the theme of halloween i watched a scary movie tonight. at first i was so sure i was going to regret it because i've always been a child with an overactive imagination. however, that scary movie pulled a fast one and i ended up full of regret for a whole different slew of reasons. that movie was the biggest waste of time ever. if i was to star in a movie as a creepy psycho person who gets her jollies off by terrifying strangers, i wouldn't spend 90% of my time standing silently behind said strangers so only the audience can see me and then completely disappearing so the main characters hardly ever see me. it's not scary. it's not surprising. it's not effective. /rant

lets end on a good note: i got a 95% on my art history paper. it's too bad that doesn't count for 75% of my grade instead of 25% because i have a feeling the midterm i took last week isn't going to be anywhere near that high.

well i just realized i've been sitting with my head tilted back against the wall for five minutes, in a state which started out as thinking and almost ended in kinked-neck sleeping, so i think i'm going to bed now.