procrastination station: rainstorm pictures.

sometimes, instead of writing your paper, you edit the pictures from yesterday 's rainstorm which you also took instead of writing your paper. 

while attempting to capture the fury of the rainstorm outside i took a video. it wasn't until two minutes ago when i watched that video back that i realized there is a dude, just walking through the frantic rain. crazy, austrian. 

well... I’m going to go write a paper on something I haven’t even researched yet. but with this aggressive dubstep at my inspiration I am confident I will write something to move the masses.

"wub wub wub bbbbbuh tchya web web wub wub wuuuubbb SCREAM!"

it is complete. 

but for reals, that's what i'm going to go do now. 

(also, that part of me listening to dubstep was a joke... i would never... yeah.)

2 days...

...until i leave the country. and i'm freaking out.

just thought i'd let you know. in case you were wondering about my current mental state in regards to the next six months of my life.

frantic. frazzled. freaking out. fret. fret. fret.

freedom.

finally.

the girl who cried wolf. repeatedly.

remember the boy who cried wolf? yeah, i've basically become that boy. except instead of crying wolf i'm crying "hey i'm moving today." five days in a row. this time though, i really am moving back. my car is completely packed and my room is not only devoid of any personality but it is also finally sold. halle-freaking-lujah. much to katrina's joy i sold my contract to a nice asian girl named sujan... sujin.... sewjan? i don't even know. but what i do know is she's pleasant and she also didn't know what 24/7 meant... so it wasn't until after i explained that to her that she wanted my contract.

my reason for not leaving today is not only a matter of $50 but it's also a matter of pride. when i turned my apartment key, laundry card and laundry room key back to the apartment's office i thought i was finally free and that i could stop worrying about loose ends here. one quick phone call from the office proved otherwise.

you see, there are these bracelets, kinda like live strong bracelets, they hand out at the beginning of the year. these bracelets are to be worn at all times inside the pool. super gay, i am aware. me being me and logan being freezing logan, i've never once had the desire to use that bracelet to swim in the pool. because of this i didn't even think twice about them needing that bracelet back, but they do. they need it back so badly that if i don't return it within a week, they're going to charge me $50.

this is a huge problem for two reasons:

A) i know i have that bracelet and i refuse to pay $50 for something i never even used or even wanted for that matter.

B) all of my stuff is currently tightly packed in boxes in one of two places. either it's sardine-d in my car in such a way that i'll never find it, or it's in the basement of my dad's company's office building in smithfield, which is 20 minutes away, which is locked up until business hours tomorrow.

either way i wasn't going to be able to find it tonight.

my solution to this problem? go to taco tuesday with katrina, aj, and ben. made sense at the time.

this time, for reals, i'm moving back home tomorrow.

productivity in it's rarest form.

(before i even start writing let me just tell you i am about to get convoluted very fast. lets begin)

so most of you may know i'm a very visual person. i'm also a very disorganized person and i'm pretty sure the saying "out of sight out of mind" was written just for me. because of these things i am the master of making lists. however, just because i make lists doesn't mean i accomplish what's on those lists.

 in my space exploration class on tuesday i started to get bored, as one does in that class... every week, and so i started writing a to-do list for the next two days. the story i'm about to tell you about that list is truly a modern day miracle. i completed over half of my list. lets start from the top:

• i actually went to class this morning. i'm pretty sure it's self explanatory as to why that's a major accomplishment.
• upon coming home from that class i went and got my licence renewed (don't worry it's not like it'd been expired since my birthday or anything.... yeah)
• had a meeting with a "writing fellow" to discuss my art history paper. 
• i went to my 3D design class
• got my hair cut (as seen in the picture to the right) oh and my hair is also now bright red, as of last night. you can't really tell in this picture though. 
• deposited 3 checks i'd been carrying around with me since summer
• went to work where i somehow managed to get a free hot dog and slice of pizza AND i had a mother ask to be scheduled to come in to get pictures taken only at a time that i would be working. *beams with pride* best day at work ever. 
• upon coming home from work i ran over to holly's apartment where we pooled our resources to get cache valley's best stat-ititions to help her with her extra credit homework. alright, so that might have been an exaggeration but i did help her find two guys who actually knew a thing or two about stats. so  i consider it an accomplishment.
• i then spent the remainder of the night in the company of good friends.

now that it's nearly 2 AM, i'm thinking of the day i have ahead of me tomorrow, which is going to be go, go, go all day; starting with a conference call and 9:30 shift at work and ending at 6 with art history, a class i'm still trying to convince myself i don't hate. 

for the first time all semester i'm completely exhausted, and it's not even 4. day= success.

P.S.! wanna see something i'm super excited for?




that. 

ten stupid, but actual reasons why i'm still awake:

1-i have to work in six and a half hours and for some reason that makes me mad and refuse to want to sleep.
2-it's snowing outside. furious.
3-my lips are chapped and my chapstick is across the room.
4-i'm still a little too excited about now having a best friend, oscar.
5-my night didn't go quite as planned, so in semi protest i'm refusing to go to sleep.
6-i'm listening to this song on repeat



and it is so good.
7-i'm finally downloading a movie i've wanted to see FOREVER and i don't want to turn off my computer until it's finished (even though it's only at 11%)
8-it's day four of november and i haven't written anything. and that makes me mad at myself.
9-i'm fighting the compulsion to start reading a book i've owned for over a year now that i haven't even started yet.
10- if i wait another ten minutes my ice cubes will be ready.

i just really, really do not want to work tomorrow.

i packed, moved, and cleaned an apartment today.

sorry, this is going to be short because i have to get up in 4 hours to do more cleaning. i'm feeling like writing in paragraph form isn't working for me tonight. here are some bullet points:

• i'm currently sitting on the floor of my gutted bedroom. 
• i've been packing, moving, and cleaning for 16 hours, off and on. 
• i feel like super woman when i move all my everything-i've-ever-owned all by myself.
• i've spent forty minutes total on my knees scrubbing floors tonight.
• i spent too many hours today in a very frustrated mood because... 
• two of my roommates feel above cleaning and have consequently not done any. we'll see if they like that when want their deposit back. 
• i am SO over college apartment living. especially the whole roommate thing.
• i accidentally packed my pillow in storage :(
•  my back is angry, my hands are sore, and my whole body is exhausted.
• i took a shower at 2 AM and it was, without a doubt, the best shower i've had in a long time.
• i'm going to miss this place.

i feel bad complaining for 10 bullet points straight so here is something to cheer you up. my friend posted this song to his facebook and it made me happy. have a listen:

:)

just a little stress rant about moving and school and blah blah blah.

today at work i realized it's the tenth. that means i have five days to be out of here, my current apartment that is. let me explain to you why that stresses me out so bad:

• one- that's five days to put all of my worldly belongings into cardboard boxes, stuff them in my car and move them to an entirely new location but...
• two- i don't have an entirely new location to move them to because... 
• three- i can't move into my new apartment until the twenty fourth because everyone who runs an apartment complex up here is only concerned with money and not the welfare of others. 
• four- i still insist on totting my bookshelf, complete with fifty plus books, and my papasan chair with me to each apartment. even though neither of those things fit into my car by any stretch of the imagination and...
• five- i've yet to find anyone with a truck who would be willing to help me move said bookshelf and massive chair. (i wrote about my previous experience with this problem in my post about ciera the great)
• six- the utilities in this apartment are under my name,. on august 8th, i'd paid $181 of my own dollars with neither of my other two roommates even acknowledging that they each owe me $48. to make matters worse, i think one of them may have even moved out today. i can't afford to pay everyone's portion of the utilities, that's almost $100 between the two of them. (let me be clear that i'm not afraid of katrina not paying me for the utilities. she's been out of town, it's understandable. plus i could easily take her if it came down to a fist fight.) anyone have any ideas on how to get them to pay me?
• seven-moving out means school is starting. and i'm not ready for that. i don't have my books yet, i'm still on the waiting list for one of my classes, my hours at work are going to go down because of my school schedule which equals less money, aaand what little money i have left is all going to the university. i don't really feel like giving up my money just yet. 
• aaand eight- i've loved this apartment. i love how roomy it is, and how huge my room is. i love having my own bathroom; i love that we have a kitchen table and a pantry! you guys don't know how rare it is for a college apartment to have a pantry. i love the massive window in my room that lets in all of the morning's sunshine- even though i sleep through most of it. i'm definitely going to miss this place.

i'm just really not ready to give up sunshine and warmth in exchange for early morning class, nature dying, the air freezing, and homework.   

    

(in case it was unclear, these three pictures are my way of paying homage to the summer almost being over.)

in non related news: i fell asleep on the floor today after work for about half an hour. when i woke up both my hands were numb from laying on them and i definitely had a little bit of carpet face going on. it was completely attractive.

p.s i have this new love for chewing ice. can anyone enlighten me on just how horrible that is for my teeth? personal experience?

a story about one bad thing and five good things.

oh a scale of one to ten, my desire to not write about this is at about a twenty. however, i didn't start this beda thing with the intention to ignore all the bad choices i've made this month and only post the good things about myself. now, i would like to take this time to point your attention to my "about me" section that's most likely situated on the left side of your computer screen. read that, absorb it, follow it. moving on.

in order to tell this story in it's fullest i have to start with last night (or tuesday night for those of you not reading this in the middle of the night on wednesday when i first post it). i was wasting time on the internet, as usual, when i started getting way fun stomach pains (saaarcasm). you know the type that come out of no where with such an intensity that all you can do is just curl up in a ball, and then the pain subsides and you think you might actually live through the pain and then it hits you again? yeah, that's what was going on and since i hadn't eaten anything out of the ordinary that day i thought maybe i'd just caught something. by 2 o'clock i'd eventually accepted the fact that i would most likely be spending the rest of the night hugging the toilet. however, around 4:30 ish the pain subsided, for good this time, and i was able to fall asleep.

now, fast forward to this morning: i had the pleasure of waking up to a phone call and subsequent message, at 11:15. from my manager. i was supposed to be to work at 11. yes. in a blind panic i managed to get changed into work clothes, pull my hair up, apply a coat of mascara and a wash of blush, grab two pieces of bread,  and make it out the door all in time to be clocked in to work by 11:30. talk about a stressful morning.

however, this situation helped me realize just how lucky i really am. first, when i got to work and explained to my manager why i was late she just kinda laughed instead of getting mad at me. i can't help but think there aren't very many managers who would react with laughter instead of reprimands. reason number two: because i was late for work i only had time to grab a few pieces of bread for breakfast, so around 2 o'clock i started getting really, really hungry. it was also at about that same time that jimmy johns just so happened to come in our store, handing out free samples of sandwiches. hunger: vanquished. seriously, so lucky.

and now, to finish off this post, here are a few pictures from the rest of my surprisingly good day.


cheese cake from my previous post about the amazing miss ciera.

i've recently become strangely obsessed with a nail blog i found and so i tried out one of their tutorials. it actually turned out really well (pretend there isn't any polish on my skin. thank you)

and the dinner that i made for myself. it's one of the only legit meals i know how to cook: italian chicken served with green beans and either italian pasta, a potato, or rice.

i also spent three hours reading catching fire* (finally) and i'm nearly done with it. i don't have a picture of this feat though, so you're just going to have to trust me.

*edit: it's actually mockingjay. i have no idea why i can't keep those two books straight. 

you know, you're pretty alright for a blog.

it's late and i'm dreading work tomorrow so this is me trying to find ways to justify staying up just a little bit later. and what better way to waste time than to make you a list of all the things that have been going through my head today. lets begin:

• my limbs itch. how exactly does one manage to acquire six mosquito bites on her right leg and zero on her left? yeah, i have no idea but i definitely did just that on my bike ride last night. i've also got one on my right arm, which is in a conveniently impossible place to scratch. 
• i work at eight tomorrow. that's not really pressing or exciting news but it's really bumming me out so it tops this list at number two. (i say that like there was this big vote that everyone took to decide which of  my current thought trains are the most note worthy. there wasn't.)
• i've started this weird habit where i clench my jaw reeeeheeeally tight if i'm concentrating or stressed out or just thinking too hard in general. (insert joke here about me never thinking at all. ha ha) these past few days have been full of a variety of intense and stressful thoughts and the results have been less than fun. i keep having to "flex" my jaw, if you will, every five minutes or so because it starts to feel like the muscles are permanently clenched. it gets so tight that i'm actually getting a migraine from it. 
• i've decided to make some pretty big life changes as of late, and one of those life changes is to stop drinking soda. about a month ago i was toying with the idea of stopping but lately i've realized just how sick it makes me feel. it's honestly not worth it anymore. oh the joys of being a self diagnosed hypoglycemic. i should also swear off sugar for good, but i'm taking this one painfully healthy step at a time.  
• i found out that i'm going to be homeless for 9 days, august 15th -24th and there's no way around it. (this is one of those stressful thoughts i briefly mentioned earlier) the only thing i hate more than moving, is moving all my stuff twice in a matter of two weeks. not excited. i'm currently on the lookout for anyone who has an empty back room and a couch that i can crash on for those 9 days. 
• school is starting soon. i can't tell if i'm dreading it more than being homeless or if i'm excited to finally have direction in my life once again. i guess if school starting didn't directly mean the weather was going to attempt to kill me again i wouldn't mind as much. turns out i'm WAY attached to sunlight and warmth in general. who knew.
• i've started writing in my journal again. two nights ago i spent quite a few hours going through my last journal from 2009 that i only managed to fill 3/4 of the way. it's funny how we tend to go in circles in our lives, i'm almost back to where i was then, just in a different zip code. after writing for only two days though i've already written 12 pages. i suppose that's what happens when one tries to recap 2 years of living in a matter of nights. i can't tell if starting to keep a personal journal again will take away from this thing here or not. i guess only time will tell.

now that i feel as though we all have a healthy dose of stress running through our veins, i'm going to share this song with you. it's a audible balm, i swear.  there are very few instrumental songs that i like, but this song has my heart. i've been in love with it for about two years now and i've been listening to it on repeat for two days.

well, i only have 4 hours before i have to wake up for work so i should probably get some sleep now. thanks for letting me dump all that on you. you know, you're pretty alright for a blog.

A journal of sorts to catalogue the nightmares.

I had probably the worst sleep of my life last night. I fell asleep at 5:30 AM while trying to force myself to finish a paper that was due today. I kept waking up panicked and disoriented from nightmares or something, only to fall sleep back into those nightmares. This is day three of nightmares for me- the girl who never had nightmares in her life, and now I have three whole days worth. It's confusing to me. I can't figure out what I've done to cause this. People have suggested it's my sleep schedule, but that's been broken for well over a year now. I haven't started watching scary movies, I'm still barely eating, like normal. Nothing has changed except for the content of my once safe haven and the rate at which my heart is beating when I wake up. 

Is this ok with you, blog, if I use you as a pseudo-public journal of sorts? Do you even want to take the time to read all this?

Because this was a depressing-ish post, I'll end this on a good note. This is how I feel about us, blog. 

Two peas in a pod, 

one girl on a stool 

and one elephant on the sod. 

(totally just made that up. ten points to me, eh?)

Oh, and you're the elephant.

nothing of consequence.

preface: i've had seven hours of free time today.

i've been listening to set fire to the rain, by adele 12 times in a row. 12 times 4 is 48. almost an entire unproductive hour of one song. and i'm still going strong.

i set fire to the rain, watch it burn as i touched your face. well, it burned when i cried cause i heard it screaming out your name. your name.


i'm sitting in my bed staring blankly at the mobile filled with high school "photography," handing in the corner across from me. i'm trying my best to coerce myself into writing my technical writing assignment that's due tomorrow, as the mobile slowly rotates due to the vent to it's right. the pictures are going in an unsure clockwise motion. they seem like they don't know how to move uniformly because they keep bumping into each other. kinda like people do when you put a bunch of them in a group and don't tell them which way to go but tell them they need to get there soon. every so often i blow as hard as i can to the left of it, just to see if i can make a bigger impact on them than the vent. i can't. that feels like a metaphor but i've been trying to do academic writing for so long today i can't be bothered to break it down.

and i threw us into the flames, when we fell, something died, cause i knew that, that was the last time... the last time. 


i've eaten nearly all the easter candy from my mother-sent care package. i never thought i was a stress eater, and then i got stressed. and now the candy is almost gone. my teeth are coated in bubble gum residue and my tongue tastes like a mixture of stale and chocolate.

i just spent twenty minutes writing and revising this. twenty minutes i could have been working on that school assignment that's due tomorrow. or i could have been reading; i have a book, one that i really want to read, and it's due back at the library tomorrow. i still have almost two hundred pages to go. lists and lists of things undone.

seven hours. that's longer than one day of high school. i set fire...ridiculous.

sleep vs school. sleep wins again.

So you know how sometimes you stress over something for a few weeks straight and you can't force yourself to do it until the day before? So it comes out all retarded and so obviously half baked? And then you don't get to bed until super late, and because you're so exhausted after having done a semester's worth of work in one night, you require more sleep than you've allowed yourself before you have to wake up. So your alarm goes off but you're having some super crazy dreams so you keep hitting snooze until your phone decides an hour and a half was long enough to tell you to get up and it stops trying. So you sleep in late and completely miss the class, which had mandatory attendance for that day, that the project, which can't be turned in late, was due in. You remember when that happened? Oooh that's just me? Yeah.
Speaking of bad days, that actually happened. But after two minutes of hyperventilation, five minute of frantic texting while tripping slash pacing, and fifteen minutes of surfing the usu's website to figure out the required GPA to maintain one's scholarship, I stopped freaking out. I realized I made certain decisions this morning, and now I have to live with them. This semester has been full of fun, quaint little life lessons like that.
In an attempt to recover at least a sliver of dignity to carry me through the remainder of the day I made myself take a short, unforgiving shower and put my socially acceptable face on. I made myself a healthy breakfast and started taking care of business just as if the day hadn't started out of sheer panic.

p.s. wanna hear what i've been listening to while writing this?



Peter Lee Johnson is amazing. He makes me regret decisions I made as an unmotivated 6th grader, that's how good he is. If you listen to his stuff and end up loving it as much as me he has it available to download for free!

Sometimes i get jealous of all the talent some people possess and then I realize they weren't just born like this, they've spent countless hours practicing and practicing. While I was adding to my already staggering total of hours spent staring at a computer screen he was playing for his fifth hour of the day on calloused fingers, honing his craft. So Hats off to you Mr. Johnson, may I someday become as motivated and able to create music as beautiful as you do.