a list of thoughts: halloween version.

guys. it's only 1 am and i'm already exhausted and completely ready for bed. i feel like this is some kind of bad sign, however because i've had a collective 8 hours of sleep over the past two days, and i work at 9 in the morning i'm not going to fight it this time. well, after i write this and then watch an episode of community on hulu, then i'll stop fighting it.

so, from the moment i got up this morning i've been thinking of things to tell you guys. i haven't really told you anything in a while so the fact that i have multiple things to tell you really caught me off guard. i'm hoping that's just my brain getting me ready/excited for nanowrimo and to write 1,667 words a day, however i'm pretty sure that's purely wishful thinking. which is unfortunate.

lets start from the top:

• i woke up this morning in the most disoriented state i've ever been in my entire life. i spent over ten seconds in three separate mind sets. first: i thought it was saturday, but i couldn't figure out why my alarm was going off. then i was sure it was sunday and that i was late for work. but once i looked at my phone, which said 8:10, that scenario didn't work because we don't open until noon. i knew i had somewhere super important to be but i couldn't figure it out. after some very intense trudging through my cloudy muddled mind i realized it was monday and that i had a project due in my 2D design class in twenty minutes. after some miracle preforming i ended up only being five minutes late to class. still unsure as to how i pulled that one off.
• when people saw me this morning i'm sure they thought i just didn't wake up in time to get ready. but nope: it was actually my halloween costume. or at least that's what my foggy/brilliant state of mind decided to tell EVERYONE I RAN INTO ON THE BUS. which just so happens to be literally everyone i'm friends with up here. but i digress. because i woke up late i didn't have time to... well to virtually do anything. so i quickly threw on some clothes and a couple jackets, grabbed a granola bar and ran for the bus. this means i didn't have time to put on my socially acceptable face which also means i was sporting yesterday's hair. i truly was a vision. 
• after all that fun tired/hobo nonsense i had the privilege of going to the local dollar plus here. in my 3D design class we're creating light fixtures solely out of material purchased at the dollar store. now, anyone who knows me knows i HATE dollar stores. there's just something inherently repulsive about them to me. but today i must have been in a more receptive state of mind because i found myself in awe of the store's low prices instead of put off by them. that is, until i was waiting in the check out line with my china-made finds and i spotted a pregnancy test right next to the packs of sure-to-be-stale wriggly gum. my first reaction was to laugh. why anyone would put any faith in a pregnancy test purchased at a dollar store is completely beyond me. my second reaction was to text trina, whom them responded accurately with a "hahahhah"
• as a valued employee of kiddie kandid's i get to work in logan's sad excuse of a mall. today they sponsored trick or treating for over 3,000 little kids to come dressed up and get free candy. what baffled me wasn't how many parents were dressed up, but how many were scantily clad. which was an alarming amount. i guess some people never quite grow out of some phases.
• in the theme of halloween i watched a scary movie tonight. at first i was so sure i was going to regret it because i've always been a child with an overactive imagination. however, that scary movie pulled a fast one and i ended up full of regret for a whole different slew of reasons. that movie was the biggest waste of time ever. if i was to star in a movie as a creepy psycho person who gets her jollies off by terrifying strangers, i wouldn't spend 90% of my time standing silently behind said strangers so only the audience can see me and then completely disappearing so the main characters hardly ever see me. it's not scary. it's not surprising. it's not effective. /rant

lets end on a good note: i got a 95% on my art history paper. it's too bad that doesn't count for 75% of my grade instead of 25% because i have a feeling the midterm i took last week isn't going to be anywhere near that high.

well i just realized i've been sitting with my head tilted back against the wall for five minutes, in a state which started out as thinking and almost ended in kinked-neck sleeping, so i think i'm going to bed now.

night owls and the neon light disease.

i'm currently sitting in the dark at the table of ciera the great's house because i forgot to do this whole blogging thing earlier today. it's 3 AM and i'm not even close to being tired. wanna know why? when i got home from work at 2 (which was SO nice. i don't think i've ever gotten off work that early) i laid down on my sleeping bag to plan what adventures i wanted to have the rest of the day. in an attempt to think at my fullest potential i shut my eyes. worst idea ever. next thing i knew i was waking up from the strangest dreams i've had in a looong time full of people i hardly ever see (does anyone else dream about people that you're not really that good of friends with. it makes telling people about my dreams semi awkward) with swollen hands and a million text messages. yes. a million. this is becoming a problem.

i am the only person i know who can lay down and fall asleep all within one minute and who takes naps that last three hours each time. but then again, i'm also one of the few people i know who have seen the sunrise due to staying up too late and waking up early all within a three day period.

remember when i tried to fix my sleeping schedule last semester and i ended up staying up for 38 hours with only one hour of sleep in the mix? and how all that did was just make me unmanageably loopy and tired for the next two days? it seems so weird to me that sleep is such an essential part of living (i mean it takes up like 1/3 of our lives, right? or did i just make that up?) and i still can't seem to grasp the concept of going to bed at ten and waking up at seven. heck, i don't even know the last time i went to bed before midnight. you'd think being an adult would come with a built in sleep schedule. i guess not.

i read an article within the past year about some guy (ten points for being specific and taking the time to look up the article for you. saaarcasm) who held an experiment on the human circadian rhythm. he took a few volunteers and stuck them alone in a room underground, completely undisturbed and then monitored their sleep patterns. after a few months almost all of the people adapted to a 27 hour day instead of our normal 24 hour day. now that i've taken the time to write that out i totally forgot what my point was in explaining that. you're welcome.
i guess i'm just curious why it is that i can't seem to get myself to sleep like the rest of you. i'm not an insomniac, that's for sure. i get tired, i fall asleep easy, and i never wake up during the night. it's just a matter of the time that i get tired.

so right here i had totally planned to show you this gem i'd found on tumblr the other day that had made me laugh. i was some comic about night owls and the nightly struggle they face. but, saddest face, i just spent five minutes looking for it and i can't find it anywhere. bummer.
because i couldn't find what i originally wanted to show you, here is a picture of something else that almost applies to my current situation

i love this. thank you shel silverstein

and there's our answer, ladies and gentleman. i'm a baby bat. 

A journal of sorts to catalogue the nightmares.

I had probably the worst sleep of my life last night. I fell asleep at 5:30 AM while trying to force myself to finish a paper that was due today. I kept waking up panicked and disoriented from nightmares or something, only to fall sleep back into those nightmares. This is day three of nightmares for me- the girl who never had nightmares in her life, and now I have three whole days worth. It's confusing to me. I can't figure out what I've done to cause this. People have suggested it's my sleep schedule, but that's been broken for well over a year now. I haven't started watching scary movies, I'm still barely eating, like normal. Nothing has changed except for the content of my once safe haven and the rate at which my heart is beating when I wake up. 

Is this ok with you, blog, if I use you as a pseudo-public journal of sorts? Do you even want to take the time to read all this?

Because this was a depressing-ish post, I'll end this on a good note. This is how I feel about us, blog. 

Two peas in a pod, 

one girl on a stool 

and one elephant on the sod. 

(totally just made that up. ten points to me, eh?)

Oh, and you're the elephant.

The day I hacked my brain and everything was perfect.

I've had full intentions to write this blog at least three times before this point, but as you all know, I'm contractually obligated to procrastinate, so you get a story about Saturday five days later. You're welcome. 

So, I was scheduled to work at 8 on Saturday morning, and if you know me, you see the problem here. On Friday I was planning on going to bed early, but not only had I had the privilege of sleeping in earlier that day, but it was my roommate Courtney's birthday. So after going to dinner at Costa Vita, we had a ridiculous amount of people in our apartment, eating cake, playing games and attempting to throw a dance party.  It was 2:30 by the time everything settled down, everyone left, and I was ready for bed. As I lay in bed all hopped up on chocolate birthday cake, carbonation, and too much sleep the night before, I started freaking out that I wasn't going to be able to wake up on time. In desperation I decided to do some "imagining exercises" I learned in one of my many strange classes I took at Dixie last year. I spent a solid ten minutes telling myself I was going to wake up on time, and imagining the clock when I woke up and exactly what I was going to do before work to get ready. I set my three alarms for 7, 7:15 and 7:30, as usual, and shot a few prayers towards heaven, figuring I could use all the help I could get. By 3:30 my brain had finally settled down and that's about when I fell asleep.
The next thing I remember being aware of was shooting up in my bed in a blind panic and reaching for my phone to see what time it was. 6:58. WHAT?! That's right. Somehow I managed to not only scare my brain into waking me up like a ninja before my alarm went off, but I also did it on 3 1/2 hours of sleep. That has never, ever happened to me before. And I was ecstatic. I managed to make it to work sans face pillow creases (you know what i'm talking about, those things you get on your face when you stay in the same position the entire night, but you wake up late for work so they don't have time to smooth out. oh, you don't have that problem? just me then.) and with food in my belly. Those two things on their own are a huge accomplishment.

The whole rest of the day was just as awesome. I thought about taking the time to literally tell you about all of the great things that happened in story form, but I'll spare you and create a simple list instead. Once again, you're welcome :)

List of Awesome:

*free things from Targt in the mail

*half a Costa Vita burrito at lunch

*getting May 16th through the 25th off from work so I can come to St.George!

*good friends

*v for vendetta

*a car mustache (which can be seen here)

*sangrias and oreos 

Ask anyone who had to deal with me on Saturday, everything was amazing. Seriously, such the best day.

p.s. just wanted to let you all know that you're totally allowed to comment on here. I know you all want me to believe that none of you read this but blogger tells me differently. So comment away. 

sleep vs school. sleep wins again.

So you know how sometimes you stress over something for a few weeks straight and you can't force yourself to do it until the day before? So it comes out all retarded and so obviously half baked? And then you don't get to bed until super late, and because you're so exhausted after having done a semester's worth of work in one night, you require more sleep than you've allowed yourself before you have to wake up. So your alarm goes off but you're having some super crazy dreams so you keep hitting snooze until your phone decides an hour and a half was long enough to tell you to get up and it stops trying. So you sleep in late and completely miss the class, which had mandatory attendance for that day, that the project, which can't be turned in late, was due in. You remember when that happened? Oooh that's just me? Yeah.
Speaking of bad days, that actually happened. But after two minutes of hyperventilation, five minute of frantic texting while tripping slash pacing, and fifteen minutes of surfing the usu's website to figure out the required GPA to maintain one's scholarship, I stopped freaking out. I realized I made certain decisions this morning, and now I have to live with them. This semester has been full of fun, quaint little life lessons like that.
In an attempt to recover at least a sliver of dignity to carry me through the remainder of the day I made myself take a short, unforgiving shower and put my socially acceptable face on. I made myself a healthy breakfast and started taking care of business just as if the day hadn't started out of sheer panic.

p.s. wanna hear what i've been listening to while writing this?



Peter Lee Johnson is amazing. He makes me regret decisions I made as an unmotivated 6th grader, that's how good he is. If you listen to his stuff and end up loving it as much as me he has it available to download for free!

Sometimes i get jealous of all the talent some people possess and then I realize they weren't just born like this, they've spent countless hours practicing and practicing. While I was adding to my already staggering total of hours spent staring at a computer screen he was playing for his fifth hour of the day on calloused fingers, honing his craft. So Hats off to you Mr. Johnson, may I someday become as motivated and able to create music as beautiful as you do.