a (very, very late) thanksgiving post.

wanna know something i'm weirdly good at? i've probably already written about this a time or two but i have this habit where i'll write a blog post at some stupid hour at night and because it's so late and i'm so tired, making useful revision nearly impossible, i have the good sense to save my post as a draft, telling myself i i will revise and post it the next day. aaaand i never do. the following writing is the product of that. i wrote this all last sunday and even though the context in which it was written isn't exactly relevant anymore i still feel like the post itself says something important therefore i'm sharing it with you all anyway. 

so about two minutes ago, as i was in my kitchen putting away my unsuccessful attempt at no bake cookies, i started thinking back on thanksgiving weekend that i was lucky enough to spend with my family and i felt compelled to write a little something about just how much i really do have to be grateful for.

family: i love having extended family whom i love and actually look forward to spending time with. i know so many people who either hate or don't feel comfortable with their aunts, uncles, grandparents or cousins. i love that, through out my life my immediate family has made it a priority in my life to forge friendships with my extended family. i'm also grateful for such an enjoyable immediate family. weston is such a kidder. brooke is the epitome of being a carefree child. christee is the best example. my mom is the most giving and service oriented person i know. my father is such a personification of integrity and such a great example to me of who i want to become. and, of course, jesse is my best friend.

our little family photoshoot that we did over thanksgiving break. jesse made a guest appearance. it was a holiday miracle!

i'm grateful to have been blessed with the gift of perspective. i have no doubt in my mind that that's why i was able to avoid making some of the bad choices i was faced with in high school and why i can so easily handle hardship now. i know that all the uncomfortable situations i find myself in are but a small moment. now if only i could apply that same thought process to binge eating half set up no bake cookies i'd be set.

i'm grateful for my roommate and friend, katrina. i know so many people who end up hating their best friends after living with them but i can honestly say, even after a year and a half, i've never regretted living with katrina. not even for a second. if anything i'm pretty sure she got the short end of the stick. i'm always joking about how i feel way bad because my bad habits are rubbing off on her like when she wakes up late for class (not that, that happens, because katrina's perfect, right terina?). she's taught me how to prioritize and that i should probably attempt to be more of a perfectionist. also that i need to learn to be cleaner. (don't worry trina, my mom sympathizes with you there.)

trina, i bet you didn't know the little gem on the right existed, did you? 

i'm grateful to know who i am, who i want to be and to have a plan on how to get there. there are so many unanswerable variables out there that make life hard and i can't imagine trying to tackle all those while not even knowing myself or what i truly wanted.

i love that my list of things to be grateful for is full of people. i'm always joking around that my life is so easy and that i never have any right to complain but it's so true. my life is easy. and i love it.

remember back when i told you "what i know" by parachute was my current favorite song? well they have another one that just won't leave my head. it's called "something to believe in" aaaand basically i love it. so here you are. enjoy. 

i'm (sorry) tired (sorry) and (sorry) not (sorry) sorry.

oh man, you guys. today has been a weird day. i was up by 7 this morning and to work by 8 with only three hours of sleep under my belt. i've really got to stop doing that. work was a blasty (sarcaaasm) and super busy. while at work i had this burst of inspiration to write about how much i enjoyed where i worked, the amazing people i worked with, and the growth and opportunities this job has given me (not sarcasm) but i'm tired and my brain is basically scrambled eggs right now(speaking of which i still haven't gone grocery shopping since moving in to this place. i've been living off cereal, hot pockets and apple sauce. someone kick my butt in gear. also my horrible diet also explains why i woke up to a charlie horse in my left calf earlier today. does that ever happen to anyone else? just me? awesome. ) because i accidentally took a 4 hour nap (am i allowed to call it a nap when it's longer than the amount of sleep i got the night before? anyone?) (also i feel like this post was mostly my thoughts instead of an actually coherent post. apologies again.) so i think i'll do it later. which means it probably won't happen because school starts monday and i only have three more days before i'm free of this project. can i get a hallelujah! AMEN. (that wasn't supposed to be caps but i think it really adds, so i'm leaving it.)

this is a way low energy post and i literally felt compelled to write "apologies" and "i'm sorry" after every sorry excuse for a sentence i wrote in here but then i got all prideful and defensive and convinced myself i don't have to apologize for the low quality of work i'm putting out there of my own free will (which is totally me in denial. because i really should apologize. so, sorry)

wanna hear something i'm ashamed of? i actually like this song.

i used to despise john mayer, especially after that daughters song and your body is a wonderland. gag. buuut this. i like this. please don't judge me. 

after writing this post the word sorry looks soooo weird. 

sleep vs school. sleep wins again.

So you know how sometimes you stress over something for a few weeks straight and you can't force yourself to do it until the day before? So it comes out all retarded and so obviously half baked? And then you don't get to bed until super late, and because you're so exhausted after having done a semester's worth of work in one night, you require more sleep than you've allowed yourself before you have to wake up. So your alarm goes off but you're having some super crazy dreams so you keep hitting snooze until your phone decides an hour and a half was long enough to tell you to get up and it stops trying. So you sleep in late and completely miss the class, which had mandatory attendance for that day, that the project, which can't be turned in late, was due in. You remember when that happened? Oooh that's just me? Yeah.
Speaking of bad days, that actually happened. But after two minutes of hyperventilation, five minute of frantic texting while tripping slash pacing, and fifteen minutes of surfing the usu's website to figure out the required GPA to maintain one's scholarship, I stopped freaking out. I realized I made certain decisions this morning, and now I have to live with them. This semester has been full of fun, quaint little life lessons like that.
In an attempt to recover at least a sliver of dignity to carry me through the remainder of the day I made myself take a short, unforgiving shower and put my socially acceptable face on. I made myself a healthy breakfast and started taking care of business just as if the day hadn't started out of sheer panic.

p.s. wanna hear what i've been listening to while writing this?



Peter Lee Johnson is amazing. He makes me regret decisions I made as an unmotivated 6th grader, that's how good he is. If you listen to his stuff and end up loving it as much as me he has it available to download for free!

Sometimes i get jealous of all the talent some people possess and then I realize they weren't just born like this, they've spent countless hours practicing and practicing. While I was adding to my already staggering total of hours spent staring at a computer screen he was playing for his fifth hour of the day on calloused fingers, honing his craft. So Hats off to you Mr. Johnson, may I someday become as motivated and able to create music as beautiful as you do.